I was practically starved by my parents when I was a child - forced by hunger to steal milk from the fridge - so when told in Sunday school that Jesus fed 5000 followers from a few loaves of bread, it was a hard crust to swallow.
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Primary school brought scripture lessons. But when Noah's Ark was said to ride the great flood bearing pairs of every kind of bird, and every kind of animals, I was heard to scoff "Jesus, that's impossible!" and received six furious whacks from Mr Taylor's cane.
Nothing ever came of my prayers. My father drank too much and became belligerent; my mother smoked up to 60 cigarettes a day until the cancer took hold. They fought like cat and dog for 25 years and if I survived that hell I was doomed never to marry. So, where was God when I needed him most? And where are all the atheists with a voice?
Atheism is not a crime, nor is it a disease, but it may be contagious. In the 2016 Census, 30 per cent of Australians ticked "no religion," (an 11 per cent increase from 2006) and 39 per cent of those were aged 18-34.
I've listened to 3AW's Neil Mitchell for 32 years and still don't know if he believes in God. Colleague Tom Elliott is more forthright. In the wake of the Cardinal Pell scandal, he announced: "this is why I'm an atheist" but then supported Israel Folau's right to free speech, despite his viral screeching.
Freedom of speech is surely overrated in this age of political correctness and pernicious social media. It spills foul and flawed from the mouths of climate change deniers, charlatans and hypocrites. History is littered with crooked evangelists, despots and the monsters of war and genocide who hoodwinked the gullible.
Free speech has proven costly, especially in the Twitter sphere where grovelling apologies by battalions of fallen blabbermouths are too numerous to mention. At last count, the "leader of the free world," without apology, has freely spruiked 10,000 lies.
I love this region and its God-fearing towns, but I sometimes wonder, is it the fear of God or hell that drives Christian faith? I feel privileged to hold none of those fears and have faith in the plausible over the improbable. I am therefore viewed as a second-rate citizen by fundamentalists and extremists. Guilt is implied.
In a recent forum, I was accused of disrespect for the holiest of Christian days when I supported horse racing on Good Friday. But respect has to work both ways. Racing is in my blood. Religion is not.
Devout Christians - in their unshakeable adherence to faith, hope and prayer - can justifiably claim the moral high ground for they are demonstrably holier than thou, but no religion has exclusive rights to morality. My belief is one of non-belief in divine supervision, or in any one God when Google claims there are 3000 to choose from.
Fundamentally, you don't need testaments of dubious text if you simply do the right thing.