Addiction an horrific journey

REGION - A free forum will be held in Ararat next week intended to educate and inform the community about the illicit drug Ice.

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The night will provide information on support services available in Ararat Rural City and the Northern Grampians and Pyrenees Shires, along with explaining the warning signs, behaviours and health risks associated with Ice usage. It will be held at the Ararat Performing Arts Centre on Wednesday at 7pm.

To get a better understanding of the dangerous consequences that crystal methamphetamine hydrochloride can have on a person's life, the following is the horrific account as told by a local user:

The journey doesn't stop, not till there is an outcome, either positive or negative, good or bad, but there has to be one.

There are plenty of reasons why I started using Ice that I can throw the blame at, to be part of the in crowd because I wanted 'in', the bad advice I got from my work mates and sports mates 'Ice will pick you up man, go, go, go'.

Or really - was I seeking time out from my darkest moments. Yeah, we all have them don't we, some of us cope better than others, I struggled with mine for a long while.

Funny thing, taking illicit drugs, it's like driving a train chugging along picking up carriages, the carriages are filled with my memories, my experiences both good and bad, the choices I have made, my personal baggage, the train line takes me into a tunnel, I can't see no light at the end, the train line takes me in, nothing I can do but to keep going, 'gunna get to the end soon'.

So I'm on this journey, I'm in control, I'm driving, at any time I can reverse out.

I was the train driver, the tunnel was my journey through s**t. I could reverse out but I would still be facing the tunnel wouldn't I? I was fooling myself.

There was no someone in the tunnel to steer me. I didn't need them anyway. I see other trains on train lines heading off in other directions where there is a glimmer of light. I ignore them. Is it me or is it the Ice? I'm starting to mumble. Sometimes I know I'm ranting, it makes me feel that people are out to get me, to hurt me, must fight them off, is it me or is it the Ice?

Then ... And now I am out of the tunnel, others I know are still in there, some will never come out, they will end there.

For me now, that first taste of Ice was like the starter's gun going off, except I was the tortoise and not the hare and there is no cheering crowd at the finish line.

The first hits were extreme, I want to tell you how it made me feel, but I won't, those first tastes are worthless, in reality they gave me nothing.

Things are changing, I know they are but there's nothing I can do. I'm using Ice more. Sometimes I get excited about the next hit, sometimes it hurts that I have to have it. I tell myself that I can control the urges and the need for every hit. The Ice is taking over. I think I need help ... but I'm not sure.

Things happen, I get lost in time, don't care, I'm buzzing, I'm hypo man, happy face for my mates, angry face for my family, sad face for my missus, look in the mirror it's not me it's some freak, break things from anger yeah I'm strong, who are you ? P**s off family, leave me alone ... whatever. I'm looking for another hit.

Stealing stuff to pay for the next hit, lost my job... keep to myself. Do I have to go to the family do? don't want to. Got new mates, deals in Ice, gotta new crew I'm running with, not cool but are there with me. Don't wanna be here but I am. I'm good. I get sneaky, tell lies to get by, tell lies to get on. Everything's okay with me you're the problem.

I'm tired, getting weak, haven't slept for a couple of days. Scratching at these hives makes me worry, bugs coming out of them. Itch like crazy, scratch, chew at the ones on my arm. Can't focus. Don't care about you.

Ignore the family, the missus is gone, tried to get her back but the cops won't let me talk to her. Mum's gone crazy always yelling at me, she's sick.

Don't remember, not sure what happened. Everyone's out to get me, must fight them off, family's sick, old mates are sick, p**s off all of youse, scum, leave me alone. I got new mates.

Angry now, another hit to get me right again, No sleep ... no sleep ... no sleep ... no sleep, buzzing, angry, what you looking at? Who's staring at me, gotta go, gotta be there, where? Sleep now, tired, aching, leave me alone.

Had to leave the house after the ambos came and then the cops came, dogs, I'm in a hospital, psych assessment,

Was driving when the cops got me again, took away my licence, can't find work now, p**s off and leave me alone.

Look in the mirror, some freak, covered in sores, long face, getting skinny, same clothes all the time, sleep. How long I been asleep? Stopped looking in the mirror, too many scabs, don't care. I got new mates.

Let's go man, gotta go. Family sucks, missus gone. No more love. Dark place.

No that's not what I did, it was your fault. Bugs again, walls closing in.

Leave me alone. I'm with new mates.

Got Court tomorrow. Mum's gunna be there, why? Don't need no one.

Courts made me take counselling, tried a bit but Ice calling me too strong. Had a quick taste, trying to stay away from new mates, get sneaky again, too hard to stop. Come downs hurt. Find a hit.

Second go at trying to stop. Pain, come downs are hard. Hurting, aches, worrying.

Dramas with family, lost their respect. Never be the same. Too much to handle, had a quick taste.

Third time, try again. Break away from new mates, trying. More dramas, support coming, can look for a taste but NO too dark in the tunnel to go back.

Sometimes I think about why I'm here, I'm really on my own aren't I. Mum's good, I see her now and again. I talk to her. I feel guilty, I stole from her,

Her trust for me is gone she's doing it hard but sticking by me. Rest of the family don't change for me, they still look at me wrong. I will have that guilt and remorse forever. I need help. Don't want to go back into the tunnel. I'm trying.


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